How To Alienate Yourself
From People and Save Money

 

I’ve started to notice that the more I ask certain people to read my screenplays, the less these certain people are in touch with me.  And frankly it’s starting to get to me, because I miss these people. 

Not to sound obnoxious, but I know it’s not because they don’t like me:  I’ve been told I’m a pretty easy person to get along with, I know I don’t smell bad (besides the one time I tried organic deodorant, but I swear I never made that mistake again), and I throw pretty darn good parties.  And I don’t think it’s because my screenplays are terrible because -again not to sound obnoxious- but I’ve been told I’m a pretty decent writer too.  So I’ve tossed out the idea that they don’t call or email me back because my screenplays are just that appalling.  

 

Sadly, I know the reason why they disappear:  it’s because they simply haven’t read my work, so they avoid me.  Which is really too bad because hey, I get it.  I’m a busy person too.  People ask me to read their stuff all the time- and I truly feel like an terrible person when I’ve chosen to go out to a recession-friendly happy hour, instead of staying in to read my friend’s script. 

 

Believe me, I understand life gets in the way.  And now more than ever, most people are focusing on themselves.  We’re all figuring out how to survive our own lives:  how to find a job, pay rent, or make that gross, mildewed pair of boots last just one more season…

 

But I miss a lot of these friends.  A lot of them.  Not all of them.  Come to think of it, asking some people to read my scripts could be a really clever way to alienate those particular individuals I don’t, deep down, actually like.  

 

Maybe I’d stop getting all these Facebook-Event-Invitations to hotel-bar birthday parties, which would be just fine with my wallet, because I really don’t need to be spending my George Washingtons on over-priced drinks for someone who isn’t that great of a friend anyways.  And maybe I could stop being worried about running into some of my lamer neighbors on the L train, because now, in a surprisingly fun twist of fate, they’d be worried about running into me- and now, they could be the ones who pretend not to see me, instead of the other way around.  Maybe I could even save the battery on my cell phone while I run errands in Brooklyn, because those not-so-awesome folks wouldn’t be calling me anymore, which would inevitably make- oh my goodness-  my cell phone bill go down! 

 

That’s it! I’ve got it! This is one answer to the recession! 

 

Send people your scripts, save face-time, save money.   

 

You’re welcome to try out this idea.  It was my pleasure to share.  But, if you’d like to return the favor, I’d be more than happy to send you one of my scripts. 

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